Separation and Freedom, is it truly worth it?
by Matsuchiiify
Summary: The Mississippi territory, it was once just Alabama and Mississippi. But what happened when Mississippi broke apart and became a state?   I do not own Hetalia, just my OCs :D


Michael sat up against his tree; the tree he had claimed for himself. He would find himself sleeping under this tree as often as possible and he loved it dearly, he even had Allie carve her initials into the tree with him so that a capital "M" and a capital "A" were carved into a circle. M & A was all his tree read, the first initials of him and his beloved. It wasn't a surprise he went to this tree for comfort; after all, it's one of the things he held dear to him in this place, besides of course Allie. He sighed and you could just see the discomfort and nervousness he held in his face.

"That's it…" he let out another sigh, "tomorrow I'm a state…they say it's a look of freedom but…" he titled his hat so it covered his eyes. He had rings underneath said eyes as well showing he hadn't been getting much sleep in the past days, which is expected. "…maybe I should…maybe I should change my mind?" He sat there and a sound of frustration escaped his lips, "Gah! It's too late for that…But I..." another sigh, "…I don't know."

Michael just sat there for a while staring out; it was dark out now and it wasn't the best lighting for looking out at something. He frowned and closed his eyes; he began to mumble to himself like he always did when he was upset. "Poor Allie….what is she going to say? Huh? You don't ever tell her anything…haven't told her you love her….but you know…haven't told her I wanted to be a state!" He jumped a bit at the sound of his voice getting louder but he settled down into quiet for a while before continuing his little ramble. "I'm just pushing it….aren't I?...And…and…it's not that I don't want to tell her…"he shifted his thoughts; "...so tomorrow I'm going to be a state…free…I guess," he let out a huge sigh, he could just feel this undying sadness rise up to his throat leaving a lump to sit there, "and who knows if I'll ever tell her…"

"Hey Michael!" a voice shouted out from far off in the woods; Allie. She was walking towards him slowly but surely, he didn't want to turn and look at her, he was afraid of what he might do or what he might say. He could find himself bawling at her feet or even jumping to kiss her, he was so confused and so upset right now he didn't want to take any chances. Allie had reached Michael and could sense something was wrong; "…Michael, are you okay?..." she rest her hand on his shoulder, the warmth of her hand sinking into him.

"Uhh…" he mumbled, her hand touching him had caught him off guard and he tried to compose himself a reasonable response. "I-I'm sick…that's all Allie, don't worry about me." He felt his body shake a bit at his own response.

"Oh…well I'm sure things will be better tomorrow!" Allie let out with a smile; Michael felt himself cringe at the cheerfulness in her voice. If she only knew, things aren't going to be better, or are they? He doubted it really. Allie let her hand leave his shoulder and she walked off, yet again slowly. Michael felt the warmth on his shoulder slowly dissipate and he could hear every crunch made by Allie walking through the forest. She must have been taking her time in case he decided he might need help; all this did was make Michael feel like God was teasing him. She's right there Michael, go tell her, go tell her everything before it's too late, she's not leaving anytime soon… Michael clenched his fist and let out some sort of whimper, he felt himself crying now, tears streaming down his face. Allie was too far gone to hear him but he felt as if his cry was echoing, getting louder in his head, and for a split second he wanted to believe that he deserved it all, that he deserved to never see Allie's face again, all because he couldn't stand up and tell her that he was leaving, but he loved her.

"I-I'm s-such an i-idiot…" Michael muttered in his cries, "Oh God! W-Why d-didn't I j-just t-tell her!" Tears were streaming even more now and he buried his face into his knees much like Allie would do when she cried, and every time he'd say to her, "Oh Allie, don't cry and cover your pretty face like that!" He let out more cries and he found himself saying, "Y-You h-had t-the perfect c-chance! I-I'm s-so stupid!" His hands clenched tight and he could barely breath now, his throat felt like it'd close up and he wondered if maybe he would die right there, crying over his stupidity. His eyebrows furrowed now and he found himself yell, "A-And t-tomorrow isn't g-going to be better!" He buried his face deeper into his knees; all he could taste now was the salty tears that covered his pale stricken face. His voice went low now, almost inaudible; "I-I love you…but you don't know that…and…I'm l-leaving…b-but y-you d-don't k-know that…" He stood up and his anger rose, he found himself kicking the very tree that he loved, the tree he held dear, the tree that shaded him all those years. "I'm so stupid!" he yelled out and his right foot hit the tree hard, so hard in fact that he was lucky he didn't break something, more or less his foot or the tree itself. He let out a yelp of pain and he held his foot; he sat back down and cried some more, "So s-stupid!"

Michael couldn't sleep much that night, he'd wake up on and off, each time he fell asleep he found his face was dried with tears. He longed to go and find Allie, or for Allie to come back with some reason, some silly excuse, or just something so she could sleep beside him. He wanted her to nuzzle up next to him, to share her warmth, to share the love, to…to tell him everything will be alright. Maybe if she came by and hugged him, her warm smile and cheerful voice would do something, just a simple, "Quit your worrying!" would suffice him. Just for her light brown eyes to show a glimmer of hope, maybe, just maybe he could lull himself into some false belief that it'd be okay, that he would be fine and maybe, just maybe, he could tell her…he could tell her that he loved her, and that he doesn't want to leave anymore, and that he wouldn't ever truly do it, no of course he wouldn't. He couldn't leave her…and maybe just maybe she'd hug him tighter, maybe she'd kiss him and tell him she loved him back, he could run away with her and never leave. Maybe was the word, but the word never showed itself to do anything but linger till all hope was lost.

The next day he got up and scrambled over to the river, he figured Allie would be there doing something, perhaps just sitting, whatever it was, she would be there and he could see her soft cheerful face for what could be the last time. He didn't know how fast he was going, he felt like he was sprinting, but in reality he wasn't going much of a high speed, his mind was running though, his mind was so far ahead of his body he had tripped up several times now. He didn't know what he would do when he saw her, he hoped not to cry, he didn't know what he would say but he had to tell her. He paused in his step; he had to tell her. He felt his lip quiver at the thought; he had to tell her….he had to look her in the eyes and say, "I'm leaving." He felt his whole body freeze and tense up, he didn't want to leave anymore, he didn't really care what being a state had to offer, he just froze and tried to hold down the tears he knew were trying to escape. His throat felt like the lump from last night had returned; he sighed and trudged on, his feet fumbling and his eyes locked straight ahead; he was breathing heavy now, for fear he wouldn't keep breathing otherwise.

He arrived after a long time of walking and he saw Allie looking out into the river, she was singing, his heart sunk. She was singing, Allie only sang on her best days, when she had enough in her to let her heart out…Michael cursed himself twelve times over, what a terrible thing to do, to ruin a woman's happiness on a good day…He sighed and stared at her for a while, he remembered first meeting her, finding out that she'd be with him in such a place, and his eyes twinkled at the thought. She was so beautiful, and she still is, he found himself thinking. He made sure he could help her in any way he could so long as he could be by her side, she would tease him and say "Oh Michael! You're such a gentleman!" He sighed deeply but he seemed to have startled himself, and he hoped he didn't grab her attention, he wanted to hear her sing just a bit longer, to see her happy just a few seconds longer…to be able to see what he could have, what he could keep, if he hadn't decided to leave her. He let her finish a note before mumbling, "H-Hey Allie!"

Allie turned around, her hair flowing to the side; she let her hair down, she hasn't let her hair down in a while Michael thought to himself, it killed him even more inside. Then she smiled, she smiled with so much cheer, cheer that he has never seen on her face before. It was like stabs to his heart, God was playing with his emotions, and he must have been, to let her be so happy, it was his punishment. He was to crush his love's heart and leave her there to suffer. Michael sighed and tried to compose himself, but the thoughts kept racing; he had to take the beautiful angel before him and crush her, her wings, and her heart. Michael closed his eyes and he heard Allie say, "Michael? You look pale; don't tell me you're still sick!" He took a deep breath; sick.

"U-Uhh, I have to go!" Michael yelled, his eyes now open, he just wanted to leave, he couldn't do this, no not now, not today! He was about to walk off but Allie grabbed his hand, she looked concerned now and Michael gulped.

"Wait a minute! Why are you in such a hurry? You have all the time in the world," Allie said and tightened her grip on his hand. He frowned; all the time in the world must be short. He sighed and looked off, he couldn't say anything right now; and her hand…it was warm and it was just a reminder of her happiness. Normally Michael would feel off his feet whenever Allie grabbed his hand for whatever reason; he would find himself light-headed and happy. This wasn't the same, he felt guilty and terrible, and he actually felt sick, like he needed to puke his guts out. Allie looked confused, "Michael, tell me what's wrong."

"I…..I'm becoming a…a state today…" Michael found his whole body was shaking and his throat had become dry, he was tense and he couldn't see straight, he was all out of whack; the worst part was seeing Allie's face turn pale and her hand lose her grip and let go.

"W-What?" Allie gasped and stared at him, why no one had informed her she'd be on her own she had no idea but she just frowned and found herself shaking his shoulders. "Don't tell me you're leaving!" she yelled, her face showed her distress and her eyes seemed to lose some of the cheerfulness they had, she was serious now. Michael stared at her and he tried to escape her grasp.

"Look it's too late!" he couldn't believe he just said that, out of all the things he could have said to Allie…not an 'I'm sorry' or 'but I still love you' or 'I regret it.' Allie started crying, she just couldn't help it, she was so confused right now and she looked up at Michael with her sad eyes.

"B-But….I-I love you!" her voice screamed out; her voice broke and she backed away from him waiting for something back, waiting for a kiss, a hug, an apology, maybe even 'I love you' back. She got none of those; what she got was Michael's pale face frowning and a hurried response.

"I-I-I….I have to go!" and he began to run off. Allie's eyes grew wide and she screamed out once more.

"No! Michael! Wait! I said I love you!" Allie yelled, he stopped for a split second but kept running. She fell to her knees and covered her face knowing she couldn't run after him, he'd be too fast. She cried out once more, "I said I love you!" but no one heard her scream but herself. She didn't know what to do, she was alone now, by the river, with an echo of a lost scream hitting her ears; 'I said I love you.' From that point on Allie had an idea set in her mind; she would become a state then too, and maybe she could be with him again, perhaps not in the same way, but as long as she was with him, she was satisfied.

Michael found himself finalizing papers with a grim look on his face; his hands shaking. Many men that day asked if he was alright and he'd lie and put a smile on his face, "Must just be nervous." They would laugh and say of course and everything will be alright. He hated that; people who didn't know a thing would tell him it was all going to be okay. He was handed a map of his new self but he didn't dare to look at it, instead he shoved it into his pocket until later, when he was alone, to see what he had taken from Allie. Allie…He closed his eyes, "She said 'I love y-you….'" He whispered to himself. He walked out and found some other states there to speak to him, to greet him, but he didn't want to talk to them, but of course he did out of courtesy. He was told to also meet a Mr. Jones, apparently his new 'father' figure. Michael didn't want to see anyone at all, and definitely not his 'father' if he could call him that, he'd rather be with Allie right now, telling her he was sorry and that he loved her too. He managed to have a quick conversation with the man and he left, he went out as far as he could into the closest wooded area nearby and he looked at his map.

He stared at it and let his finger trace the river… "I thought maybe if…I could…go and talk to her…there's no way…" Tears started to drop and land on the map; "I-I t-took the r-river away from her….the one t-thing she l-liked….and I t-took it away from her…." He tightened his eyes and let out a groan in frustration, "W-Why? W-Why d-didn't I t-tell her….why d-didn't I tell her…." He mumbled, "Why did I-I…I walk a-away?...I should've j-just said I love you!" He crunched the map in his hand, "Why'd I h-have to be a state! I-I'm so s-stupid!" He let go of the grip on the map and he began to tear it. Slowly the map was nothing but pieces of paper in the wind. He plopped down and let himself cry again, he leaned up against an unknown tree and looked up at the sky with tears; it was cluttered with stars only causing him to cry harder. Wherever Allie is, she must be looking at the stars too, and crying. He found himself thinking of all the memories he shared with her, and of her song that she sang, and of her eyes and hair; her beauty. He couldn't stop crying, and the last thing he said that day way, "I blew it..I-I…I really blew it."


End file.
